You Are/Were Created In God's Image

You are created in God’s image, you were created, exactly the way, God intended. So many times, in my life, I thought that God must have made a mistake, because my life, and my personality, was so different, and I was nothing like any of my sisters, or even my parents. I tried so hard to fit in, and I never seemed to be able to do that. I sought after acceptance and love in all the wrong places. I made friends, and lost them as quickly as I achieved them. For some reason, I would try my hardest to make friends, and after months of working, I would make a friend. Then somehow, after all those months of work, and effort on my part, it would only take one word, or a few minutes for me to lose them. I never understood why it always seemed to “happen to me.” I went through my life this way, for years, until one day, someone showed me the light, and showed me that I had put up all these walls to protect myself. I was so worried that someone might hurt me, if they saw my true personality; they would see me how I saw myself, as someone who was damaged goods, someone not worthy of love or acceptance. If anything even started going wrong in my friendships or relationships, I would quickly reject and push away those people. I always seemed to think that people were out to get me, and that if I didn’t act a certain way, then I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love or time. So at a very young age, I quickly learned on how to mask my true feelings, and what I really thought. I would look at someone, who I thought was perfect or at least what I wanted to be like, and I would take on their personality, or try to copy it to the best of my ability. I continued to do this, until I turned 21. On Easter Sunday in 2003, I was sitting in my apartment, and I was listening to some music, and God’s spirit really came over me. And I was just washed in this peace, and a love like I had never known. I felt like I had come home after such a long time away, and that he was saying, Gwen, you’re worthy, Gwen, you’re loved, and Gwen you’re my child. At that point in time, and in my life, I knew that it was time for a change. I quickly threw off the weights, the facades, the old dirty clothes, I had been wearing. I threw it all away, and asked God to make me into what he wanted me to be. I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn’t. After I did this, people started judging me more harshly than I’d ever been judged before. They would say to me, you should stop trying so hard to be something you’re not. They were so used to something else, that when I had finally gotten up the courage to be more than what I could be, that I could finally be the person God had intended me to be all along, it was met with much bitterness, confusion, and outright hostility. The people that I had once associated with, no longer wanted to be my friends, the people who had once looked at me, and thought, “Wow, she has it together”, looked at me, and said, “She needs to be a better Christian. That was one of the hardest times in my life, I couldn’t go back to what I had been before, but I was so devastated that who I really was, wasn’t acceptable. I went through some severe depression at that time, and I started to slide into old habits. I was so convinced that if I let anyone new into my life, or into the realness of me, that I would be rejected, so once again I started to reject, and push away anyone who tried to be my friend. Even friends who had stuck by me through everything, I spoke bad of, I treated with neglect, I left them by the wayside, because I had myself, and Satan whispering in my ear, it’s only a matter of time, before they eventually reject and hurt you. There are people in particular that I have hurt so deeply, that my heart hurts for the things I’ve said to them or about them. I could go into how many people I’ve hurt, by saying things or doing things, because I felt that eventually they would be done to me. I couldn’t trust anyone, not even my parents, and at time I felt like I couldn’t even trust God. I felt that if I gave up everything to God, my hopes, my fears, my dreams, that he would take them, and throw them away, because I was unworthy. I was always looking for approval from everyone, that I had forgotten the only approval I truly needed was God’s. Yet through it all, God never once left me, even when I felt there was a chasm between us, he was standing there with his arms open wide, waiting for me to run to him. Yet, it was always as if my arms were locked to my sides, and I couldn’t bring myself to open my arms, and let go of the weights that were in my hands. The weights were burdens that I had carried from when I was in 4th grade, and all the girls had a club in my grade, and I was the only girl not invited to join….to 10th grade, when a guy I liked, told me I was the ugliest person he knew, to when I was 18, and I lost my grandpa, he was one of the only people I knew that told me I was beautiful, every chance he got. I kept all these weights, because I was afraid that if I gave them to God, he would reject me, because once again I was unworthy. I had weights in my hands, I had weights on my ankles, I had weights on my back, and I was struggling under all the weight. I felt like I was being crushed, but even through it all, I had come to seem them as friends, or I became comfortable with them. And I had forgotten what it truly felt like to be free. I had forgotten the freedom to run to God, and sit on his lap, and hear him say, I love you, you’re beautiful. I carried those weights around, and I would show them off the other people. I started having this unnatural affection for them, it was as if, I was like, “hey, everyone”…” look here at my, “giant bag of crap” isn’t it great? “Let’s see what’s inside of it?” Ooh... Look a giant pile of jealousy…isn’t it awesome? This is the fourth pile I’ve collected; I think it’s the biggest one yet! Oooh... what’s this? A handful of bitterness, *smell* wow, that IS bitter! That’s goes in the hall-of-fame list! I would do this all the time, with people, I would complain about all my problems, and would pull out the old bag, and show them my treasures. I hoarded them like they were the most precious things of all, and I left God out of the mix. Now, I’m not saying God wasn’t in the bag, but after so long, after I let all the other stuff pile up, he was at the bottom, gasping for breath trying to get out. He was always there, with his loving attitude, and his graciousness, and all the things that he is. He never left my side, even when I tried my best to cover him up, his love always shown through. He loved me with that unconditional love that he has, and he still would sing songs of rejoicing over me. Zephaniah 3:17 Your GOD is present among you,
A strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love
And delight you with his songs. 18"The accumulated sorrows of your exile
Will dissipate. (Message Version)

I would read this verse, and think to myself, there was NO way that I could ever come back to God in my position, in my situation. I felt that I was So wrong, so evil, so hideous to God, that even if I were to repent, if I were to give it all to God, that I would be a failure again, that I would fail, that I would try, that everything I would do would not be acceptable or worthy. I had no faith, in God. In fact I often viewed God as my parents God, I viewed him as someone that I had to fear, someone who I had to love, and worship. I felt that if I didn’t have that awesome, awe-inspiring feeling towards God, like all my friends, and my parents did, that I wasn’t a good enough Christian. I felt then, if I was a horrible person, and that I wasn’t worthy of love, or acceptance, then what was my purpose on the earth, and that I should have never been born. I felt like my life was a joke, something God decided to do to my parents. I felt like, I was just here to make people’s lives miserable, and that was the only real reason I was here. I listened to Satan, and let him get his grip on me. I let him plant those seeds of doubt, and bitterness, and jealousy in my heart. I sought after being my own person. I decided that if people wouldn’t accept me then I would do everything by myself. I felt as if I could do things on my own. I pushed away God; I started “handling” things, or now looking back, “mishandling” things. I didn’t God any credit for the things he had done in my life. I had not interest in the advice, people would give to me, I was convinced I knew everything, and that nothing any one could say, was right for me, because no one knew me. Still, even through those times in my life, God was still there, never once did he leave me. He didn’t throw me away, like I had discarded him. Instead, when I reached my lowest point, and finally called out to God, he picked me up, and dusted me off, and said, “You’re worthy, and I love you, anyways.” I couldn’t believe that after everything I had done to him, he still wanted me. He never looked at me with contempt, he didn’t look at me, like I was damaged goods, he didn’t’ look at me like I looked at myself. Instead he looked at me with his eyes. He looked at me with love, and acceptance, and I finally knew what people were talking about, when they said, they had that “awe-inspiring feeling” I finally understood what God thought about me, and it was life-saving for me. It was life-changing for me. I was so grateful to God that he loved me that much, to look past my ugliness, and see the beauty in me. I started to look at myself with new eyes, and I started to think this about myself: (Taken from the book, "Beauty for Ashes" by Joyce Meyer page 44)
Jesus loves me, this I know:
He loves me unconditionally; therefore, His loved is based on who HE is. Therefore, I have not earned his Love, nor can I earn his love. Therefore, I cannot be separated from His love. When I obey him, He will bless me. When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behavior. He may not like my behavior, but He always loves me. Therefore, since I have experienced God’s love, I know that I am lovable. Therefore, since I know that God loves me, I am able to believe there are people who could love me too. Therefore, I am able to trust people who genuinely love me. Therefore, I am able to accept the love that those people give to me. Therefore, since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth has been met by God, I don’t need to be “Fixed” by other people. Therefore, although I have needs that I look to other people to meet (i.e. companionship, friendship, affection, fun), I believe those needs are balanced and God-given. I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need. Therefore, I expect other people to be honest with me. I can handle criticism or confrontation, if it is done with love. Therefore, since I know that I am God’s special and unique creation, I know that the love I have to give is valuable. Therefore, I do not feel that I have to “perform” for other people. Either they will love me for who I am, or they won’t. It is important for me to be loved for who I am. Therefore, I am able to get my mind off of what others are thinking ABOUT ME and focus on other people and their needs. Therefore, I am able to sustain a healthy, loving, lasting relationship! (taken from "Beauty for Ashes, page 44.)
Talk about being free, to love others with the same kind of love, God has given me. I was able to see, that since I was worthy of love, others are worthy of the same thing. I am able to understand that God’s love is for everyone, that God wants no one to feel about themselves the way I did. No one should have to go through with a major portion of their life, feeling like I did. God does not see you as damaged goods, or unworthy, or unlovable. He sees you as his creation, something he intended to make. God doesn’t make mistakes, if He was big enough, and mighty enough to create this world, and everything in it, don’t you think he’s big enough to create you exactly as he intended? My God is big enough to see past your hurts, your fears, your prides, your insecurities, and see your heart. See the inner most hidden part, the part that no one else sees. The part you keep hidden to protect yourself. God wants to bring that part out in you, the part that is hidden. God made you so special, and unique, that if you hide any part of that, the world is missing that special spark, that special flavor, that it needs.
So be yourself, let go of it all, and let your hair down, kick off your shoes, and be free!

When I finally let me hair down, and kicked off my shoes, and let go of those bags and weights I’d been carrying around for so long, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t do anything, except just stand there in wonder and awe. The feeling of losing that baggage was amazing. It was like nothing I had ever felt. It was like coming home after a long trip, and throwing down your carry-on, and bags, and running into the arms of the one you love. I ran straight into the arms of God, and it was as if he said, “Gwen, you’re home. You’re finally home.” And he was excited, he was happy that I had come home. And when I looked back at the baggage, it had disappeared. When I looked up, God was carrying it. He took it upon himself, and being as awesome and mighty as he is, it disappeared into his glory and light. And it was gone. And I stood there, naked before God, stripped of all my selfishness, pride, jealousy, bitterness, anger, resentment, all the things I had given up. I stood before God bare, and empty. And God in his awesomeness, looked at me, and said, “Gwen you’re beautiful. You’re worthy. And that was when I knew, unconditional love for the first time. I was standing there with nothing to give God, I had been emptied of everything, I had been stripped of all my comforts, and yet God still loved me and thought I was beautiful. He wanted nothing more of me, than me. He wanted all of me, and everything I had to give was exactly what he wanted. He didn’t care if I could cook the best apple pie, in Ohio, or if I had the best singing voice ever heard, or if I could play the piano better than anyone I know. All those things were superficial. All he wanted was me, and nothing less, nothing more. He took me as I was, naked and poor, and broken, and he loved me. God took me into his arms, and held me for the longest time, just loving me, and when he let me go, I looked down, and I was standing in his presence, and God, in his awesomeness, said because you are my beloved daughter, I have clothed you with dignity and strength. I have removed your tattered cloak of shame and weakness, and let you see yourself standing radiantly robed in my righteousness. I will deepen your realization and understanding of what I have done for you in Christ. I will help you reflect my transforming power in the way you live your life. He will do the same for you, if you only let him. He is standing before you with a brand new cloak, a brand new garment, one befitting of his sons and daughters. He wants to clothe you are you truly are, royalty. He is the King, and you are the princes and princesses. Let go of everything, give it God. Let go of the bitterness, the self-hatred, the self-angst, the low self-esteem, the anger. Give it God, and let him do for you, what He did for me.

I am not saying that I am where I want to be yet, because there are still walls that I have up, that I am very trying hard to overcome. God is still doing a work in my life, and I am learning who I am In Christ. I am learning that I am made in His image, and God is Worthy. So if I am made in his image, I must be worthy. He knows all my fears and hurts, and God knows that I still have a lot of hurts and rejections to get over, because people are human, and they are undependable. But God is the MOST dependable thing, and he is there with a shoulder to cry on and a hug for anyone who would come to him. When you friends don’t know what you’re going through, or you need someone to talk too… Go to God!

I am still be transformed daily, and I am willing to go through it no matter how painful it might be. I look forward to the fact, that it is God getting my ready to spend an eternity with him.

And even when I feel bad about myself, and feel like all my deeds add up to nothing, and start questioning my purpose, I always go back to this verse
2 Thessalonians 1:11
11Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time--pray that our God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something.
So I know that no matter what, God is going to count me worthy of the calling he has given me, and that he will make all my efforts worthy.

Be satisfied in what God has given you, and made you to be, remember God not only loves you, but he LIKES you, and wants to spend time with you, he created you to spend time with him, and be with him. He would not have created you, if he didn’t feel that way. His love is unconditional, and he’s waiting for you. He thinks you're worthy, He thinks your beautiful, so ,don’t wait any longer, go to him, give it all up, and let him love you, like you’ve never been loved before. He is acceptance, and he is love, he is everything you need at every time, in every place, in every way. Let him prove it to you.