A Faithful Friend

I guess my character flaw is, I don't have friends. I have acquaintances, and people I hang out with. But no "real" friends. At least not the kind that is described in the bible, especially with David and Jonathan. The friendship between them is so vividly portrayed in the bible

1 Samuel 18: 1-4
1After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

To have the kind of friendship must've been ridiculously amazing, and somehow I know that I will never have the kind of friendship, or not at this point in my life at least. The people I hang out with, don't like me, this I know, and am very aware of as they talk about me behind my back, and I caught them doing it. I don't get invited places on weekends, or to do anything, and when I invite others, I always get stood up. My mom tells me to just cut ties with them, because they are not worth my time, and my effort. I don't want to cut myeslf off completely. I guess I don't like to give up, but the more effort I put in, the more I get shut out, and then my "friends" tell me I try too hard. Should friendship be this hard? When does it become worthless?

I do have a few friends, who I know are willing to hang out with me, and because of that I do feel blessed. I know that these people talk to me and will put up with my all my faults and character flaws. I'm not sure why these other people don't want to be my friends, it's beyond me. I mean I do know that my personality is out there, and I can be a little overpowering at times, but maybe it's too much for people to see beyond, and all they can see are my faults. I've had people tell me to not focus on them, and just focus on the people who love me, and like to spend time with me.



Oh, the comfort --
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them
All right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together --
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.

That is the kind of friendship I want, and am looking for. And then I realize that the only friendship that is truly like that at all times, is my friendship with Jesus.
Hebrews 13:5 reminds me of that....
Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.

Deuteronomy 7:9
now therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.

Jesus, thank you for being my true friend, for being the only one who cares about me truly, the only one who won't leave me, or won't give up on me, for accepting me with all my flaws, and loving me in spite of them. Thank You. Thank you for bringing friends into my life, that aren't fickle and immature. For giving me friends who love me for me, and who have my back.